Season Preview: Orlando Magic

October 25, 2009

I am transfixed. I wrote previously of my lack of identity as an NBA fan as a wanderer with no favorite team, but these Magic, oh my G-d, these Magic. I, along with everyone else in America, felt that Dwight Howard was robbed a few years ago when his sticker dunk lost to Nate Robinson’s shortness and Gerald Green’s cupcake in the 2007 dunk contest. Read the rest of this entry »


Paints in the Fantasy Draft

October 23, 2009

So the teams have been drafted for the 2009-2010 Fantasy Draft and here are the rosters. Read the rest of this entry »

Season Preview: Toronto Raptors

October 5, 2009
Note to future NBA franchise owners: don't listen to nerds.

Note to future NBA franchise owners: don't listen to nerds.


The Toronto Raptors are one of the younger franchises in the NBA, but they have had some success, namely drafting Vince Carter in the 1998 Draft. Of their fourteen seasons, they have had five winning seasons, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but they are just two shy of matching the Clippers’ number of winning seasons, who have been around for thirty nine seasons.

The Toronto Terriers: not remotely terrifying

The Toronto Terriers: not remotely terrifying.

The Raptors were a unique addition to the NBA: they, along with the Vancouver Grizzlies, were the first Canadian teams and Toronto was the first to be buoyed by a bunch of nerds. Allow me to explain that last part. Many people wonder about the origin of the Raptors’ team nickname, but very few know the true story. As most new franchises decide to enter the league, they usually hold a naming contest to help generate excitement for the new team and ease pressure on the marketing executives to pick a good team name. Toronto was no exception, receiving over 2,000 different entries. A shortlist of the ten “best” ideas were released to the public: Beavers, Bobcats, Dragons, Grizzlies, Hogs, Raptors, Scorpions, T-Rex, Tarantulas, and Terriers. If only our exclusive “Inside the Name” series had been released many years ago to aid their decision, they would have eliminated lame names like the Beavers, Hogs (apparently, one of Toronto’s nicknames is “Hogtown”), and Terriers, but even without our groundbreaking series, they seemed to be heading in the right direction with the slew of terrifying nicknames at their disposal.

Alas, the “Raptors” moniker was chosen for the popularity of the Jurassic Park movie, which was released in 1993, which nerds embraced with open arms. In the seven months that followed the team name announcement in 1994, the Raptors were seventh in merchandise sales, despite the fact that they had not even played a single game. My suggestion to future NBA franchises: while this was a success story (largely because “the Raptors” is such a badass team nickname), don’t listen to nerds, or else we’ll end up with terrible, terrible names, like the Vancouver Vampires or the Honolulu Harry Potters.

Don't let this guy be the face of your franchise.

Don't let this guy be the face of your franchise.

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Ain’t No Love in the Heart of the City

July 18, 2009

chris paul1The New Orleans Hornets roster for the 2009-2010 season is shaping up to be about as new as Brandon Jennings’ haircut.

With the luxury tax imposing, the Hornets simply cannot compete in the free agent market, no Hedo Turkoglu, no Rasheed Wallace, or even Trevor Ariza. While players like six foot wonder Chris Paul speak out about how other teams are improving through the free agent market, the Hornets’ management remains as neutral as the Danish in World War I.

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Hedo the Hero

July 10, 2009


One glance at Hedo Turkoglu’s face and you instantly recognize that this is more than a simple man from Europe. This is a man beseeched by his own talents to perform at a high level, the best player to ever cross the Atlantic from the glorious nation of Turkey. A father that plays better on the road than at home because of the noise the baby makes during the night. A 6’10” forward who is more than comfortable with bringing the ball up the court and has a streaky shot that can light up a scoreboard.

At times, a smile will grace the face of Hedo, with a grin stretching from one ear to the other. Other times, a look of boredom bordering on depression covers the mug of Hedo. After a big shot, Hedo will jog down the court with his tongue hanging out like a dog in Texas heat. It seems fitting; after all, he has been called the Michael Jordan of Turkey, with no other viable candidates to compete for the honor.

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The Turkoglu Turnover

July 4, 2009


Wow, well this is more surprising than the fat content in non-fat yogurt. Hedo Turkoglu has decided to not sign with the Portland Trailblazers and instead will play for the Toronto Raptors. He had an apparent change of heart after agreeing with Portland to help with the up and coming team. He has instead chosen to sign with Toronto and a more international friendly team.

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The Pistons Effect

July 2, 2009

averyjohnsonThe news broke recently that the Pistons have agreed in principle with Charlie Villanueva and Ben Gordon for 5-year deals. These deals either directly or inadvertently impact the rest of the teams in the Association.

The first thought that comes to mind is “what”? Read the rest of this entry »