You Can’t Do This To Me

All Star Saturday 2010. jeesh.

So let’s get this straight.

I just watched 5 straight hours of All Star coverage for this? Why I think this way… we’ll let me break it down event by event.

1. H.O.R.S.E

So I was pretty excited to watch this, for last year it was not televised live. Tonight, I pretty much found out why.

The Contestants:

Rajon Rondo: OK, i’ve been hard on Rondo. About as hard as that Georgian luger hit the metal pole (unpadded by shoddy Canadian craftsmanship) earthquake that hit Haiti. So, a little rough. But I will give Rondo credit, he stepped it up tonight. I didn’t think he could hit an 18 foot jumpshot. He can. The ball-spin shot would have been impressive if successful, but it wasn’t. Rondo was miles ahead of the next contestant…

Omri Casspi: How did this guy get into this? He freakin said, before the competition that he had never played! Really? So you are telling me at the All-Star Weekend H.O.R.S.E game, I, The Champ, have more HORSE experience than this guy! He had little to no originality, unsuccessfully attempting Rondo’s scorer’s table shot, and couldn’t convert except for his backboard hitting free throw, which is the only way I shoot free throws. There has to be someone better than Omri Casspi to participate in this event.

Kevin Durant: KD’s my boy, I picked him to win, but I didn’t think his competition was nearly as good as last years. I couldn’t imagine him losing and he didn’t disappoint. Despite the stupid mandatory impossible shot with a one letter penalty at the beginning of the event, Durant was nearly infallible.

In conclusion,

I’m sorry that the event turned into a 3 point jumpshot competition between Rondo and Durant. Maybe if there wasn’t a commercial break every five minutes, or if Charles Barkely, Kenny Smith, and Chris Webber didn’t waste so much time at the beginning it wouldn’t have come to this.

2. Shooting Stars Competition

I’m not going to get into too much detail with this but…

Props to Kenny “The Jet” Smith and Dirk Nowitzki,

and to Reggie Miller, who predicted a Texas victory from the get go.

3. Skills Challenge

First Round

1. Brandon Jennings: not too shabby, probably the best through the dribbling course (my favorite because it shows will and hustle) but just not quick enough, trouble with the passes i suppose.

2. Steve Nash: Barely better than Jennings, all but unexpected from a veteran like Steve Nash.

3. Russell Westbrook: never had an easy moment, really didn’t look excited at all. A bit of a disappointment.

4. Deron Williams: looked like he would take it right there.

Second Round

1. Steve Nash: really came out swinging here, hit him a little bit with the jumper, but he got it the second time. Lightning fast and accurate passes won him this one.

2. Deron Williams: if it hadn’t been for that one akward pass…

Although I was happy for Nash, I found it a bit uncharacteristic of Steve Nash to run on the court and jump towards the hoop while Williams was finishing.

4. Three Point Contest

Paul Pierce: didn’t see this one coming. Really stepped it up and won it decisively, not a huge fan of Pierce, but I will give credit when due.

Chauncey Billups: maintained the consistency that I expected of him. Thought he would come up a little bit more in the second round, but oh, well.

Danilo Gallinari: looks lost, and “vacant” as The Custodian says. I thought “the best shooter Mike D’Antoni has ever seen” would do better. *Also found it funny that superstars (Melo for Billups, Garnett for Pierce, Wade for Cook) would stand and applaud, no stars on the Knicks to be found.*

Daequan Cook: shouldn’t even have been there with the year he had. Evident tonight that he didn’t have the magic that he did last year.

Stephen Curry: My pick, who barely caught up to Pierce, cold in the middle rack, almost walked away with it. I admire Curry’s pure stroke.

Channing Frye: Extremely impressive for a Center, I thought Frye’s release was a bit slow, but his accuracy killed him.

I remember people scoring more than 2o. Maybe it was just me vs. the Ivy Leaguer on NBA Live.

5. Slam Dunk

The Main Event, The Big Ticket, The Big Disappointment.

I agree with Sir Charles Barkely, there needs to be a wake up call.

This dunk contest was bad. Joanna Newsom bad, who’s she? ask The Octagon.


First Round

DeMar DeRozen

Wait! DeRozen’s in this? But I voted for Gordon yesterday?! Gordon clearly had the better dunks! Oh, well.

1. I was impressed by DeRozen’s first dunk, considering I was unimpressed the day before. DeRosen caught my eye.

2. The Sonny Weems throw off the back board culminating into a windmill dunk was the lone highlight of the evening. A 50? More like a 48, but when Dominique gives you a 10…

Gerald Wallace

He was in this? I didn’t notice. I think it’s clean to say he won’t be doing it again.

Nate Robinson

Nate’s first dunk attempt, would have been SICK. Unfortunately, I have little sympathy for guys who attempt over and over again.

Nate’s second, pretty much propelled him into the finals.

Shannon Brown

AAAAAAAAHHHHHG!!! Shannon! My Man! What the hell?!!!!!!!

Remember, well if you don’t it’s too bad because:

IT DOESN’T EXIST ANYMORE! The makers of the site probably saw his pathetic, weak performance and hit the kill switch.

Shannon, you were my boy, I talked you up, got people on the bandwagon, believed you could fly.

This was Shannon’s chance, to not just be a player who averages 7.8 points a game (even Omri Casspi puts up more points) to be someone, something, more!

Shannon Brown may have cemented his place as a scrub.

Second Round

Its 2 AM, I am angry, tired, and frustrated.

Nate Robinson had one good dunk, while DeRozen had three.

Way to go fan vote, the same fans that voted in Iverson to the All-Star Game.

I’m alright with Nate, but if DeRozen did that Eric Gordon would have brought down the house.


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