gr3g oDen

Thankfully, this image was not seen in 3D.

I would have liked to see some parts of this photo in 3D, but certain other parts I could do without.

So, as I was watching ESPN’s telecast of the Ohio State-USC football game in 3D, they decided to have interviews with various sports stars who were in the crowd, typical to about every football telecast nowadays.

First, they interviewed Ohio State alum Santonio Holmes. Fresh off of his spectacular performance on Thursday night versus the Tennessee Titans, he answered a few questions from incompetent sideline reporter Ed Cunningham. Holmes apprehensively obliged the reporter when asked to thrust his fist (replete with his Super Bowl ring) towards the special 3D camera. The diamonds popped out from the screen. History was made, as the first occurrence of 3D athlete arrogance was committed.

Next, Cunningham interviewed USC Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Allen. He was asked how the game will look in 3D compared to being there, and he muttered something non-committal, like “I’m sure we look great.”

Finally, in what was to be my favorite moment of the entire telecast, none other than Portland Trail Blazers (and Ohio State alum) Greg Oden was interviewed. In his falsetto voice, he was interviewed about the game, and other things related to The Ohio State University. Mr. Cunningham had a conversation something like the following:

Greg, you know we’re in 3D tonight, and there’s a lady in the third row that has a soda. So, what I want you to do, is to reach out there and grab that soda.

[Oden gives a blank look to the reporter]

Greg, we’re in 3D. So, reach towards the camera.

[The feed cuts back to a play on the field, then back to the interview]

Greg, thanks for humoring us and sticking around.

Okay, Greg, as you know, we’re in 3D [obviously coached while the cameras were focusing on the play, Oden nods], so there’s a lady out there with a soda in the third row. Reach out and grab that soda.

[Oden obliges, moving his gigantic hand towards the camera. He pauses, unsure of what to do next.]

Thanks, Greg. Good luck this season.

This interview has led me to the following conclusion: Greg Oden does not understand the concept of 3D. Maybe “Geometry 101” was a class in which Ohio State gave him an automatic “A” to boost his GPA. I hope that the NCAA will look into Oden’s lack of knowledge in the geometry field and launch a full-scale investigation.

Then again, since some NBA players haven’t yet mastered common sense, I shouldn’t expect too much from Greg Oden or an NCAA investigation.


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