Friends Call Him The Shaq

As reported on his Twitter on Thursday, Shaq visited Knott’s Berry Farm:

im at knots berry farms n my butts 2 big 2 fit in da seats on ride. ahhhhhh (dats me yellin)

In a “Paints in the Point” exclusive, we have some photos from Shaq’s visit, as coincidentally, our West Coast Correspondent (The Freelancer) happened to be at Knott’s Berry Farm the same day he was.

Shaq 1

Lesson in Perspective, Part One: Man in tie is not taller than Shaq.

Shaq 2

Shaq somehow seeks shade on sunny day in Southern California.

Shaq 5

Not pictured: the other two members of Shaq's security detail. I don't know about you, but I think that an amusement park security guard would not be the one I'd pick if there was a nutter who wanted to attack me.

Shaq 3

Fun Fact: That eagle's wingspan is approximately three times smaller than Shaq's "wingspan."

Shaq 4

Lesson in Perspective, Part Two: Buildings behind Shaq are approximately 100 feet tall and he's standing right next to them. I estimate Shaq is about 75 feet tall.

Apparently, our good ol’ buddy, Shaquille O’Neal is going under a rebranding campaign. According to numerous TV and radio ads, his friends call him “The Shaq.” So, what does this mean? Are basketball commentators Mr. O’Neal’s friends? Can they call him “The Shaq?”

Five things you didn’t know about “The Shaq:”

  1. He’s hosted a live webcam in New York and San Francisco on 14-foot laptops that communicate with each other in real time, called the “The Shaq Summer Netogether.” Why New York or San Francisco? Shaq hasn’t played in either of these cities, but maybe he’s trying to indicate that he, too, is ready for the big time.
  2. The Shaq jumps when you say jump. I don’t know if anyone has tried this yet, but if you tell Shaq to jump at an incorrect time, I suppose you would throw off his 70% success rate when he goes for jump balls at the beginning of a game.
  3. The Shaq has more expertise than a truckload of Einsteins. I guess that makes sense, considering that Einstein never played basketball.
  4. The Shaq recently dropped “Radio” from its name in its most recent marketing campaign. Which is confusing, because I thought Shaq’s nickname was “Diesel.”
  5. The Shaq employed NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal to be their spokesperson in the 1990s. Wait, now I’m confused. I don’t remember which Shaq is which! Identity crisis! Which one sells electronics?!? Which one plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers?!?

I guess I need some time to figure this one out.

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One Response to Friends Call Him The Shaq

  1. Johnny says:

    shaq is my hero

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