Can’t Stand Losing You

agent zero

The Washington Wizards can’t stand to lose Gilbert Arenas for another season, and for that matter, neither can the NBA.  The Association needs flamboyant artists such as Arenas to keep the current image of the league alive. Think about it, teams do not get multi-million dollar shoe deals, individual players do. The Association is an individual’s league and Gilbert Arenas is proud to represent.

Arenas, affectionately known as Agent Zero, is a scorer through and through. At 6 feet 4 inches tall, he is a beefier Allen Iverson, but not necessarily a better scorer. Arenas man not be quite the buckets getting’ virtuoso that Tracy McGrady was when he averaged 28.0 points per game for the Orlando Magic, but Agent Zero knows how to put the rock in the hole, averaging a cool 29.3 points per game during the 2006-07 season.

Although Arenas is all flashing lights on the court, his behavior away from the hardwood is more of a homecoming to his roots as a kid who never had a chance to succeed.

Even before he became a rank and file member of the Association, Arenas was up to his usual antics. He boldly exclaimed at a pre-draft camp in Chicago that “International Pimp” was his backup career choice if his dreams of playing professional basketball never materialized. Pro Scouts cringed while females the world over let out a collective Woo Hoo!

Luckily for Agent Zero, his swag was “phenomenal.” Apparently, when you’ve got swagger like Gilbert Arenas you are not required to attend mandatory team outings.  During his tenure with the Golden State Warriors, Arenas would often abandon team outings in favor of sitting in his hotel room and ordering products from infomercials. Arenas ordered colon cleanser. Every East Coast Assasin has to have a good bowel movement.

Before every Warriors game the devious Arenas would take a teammate’s jersey and hide it somewhere in the locker room. Then teammate Adonal Foyle politely referred to Arenas as a “lunatic.”

What is the easiest remedy for a poor first half during a basketball game? Is it some extra shots at halftime, a quick pep talk from the coach? Maybe some players just need to rest for a few minutes. Not Gilbert Arenas. No. The Black President once responded to a poor first half by taking a shower at halftime and then rejoining his teammates on the hardwood. Sopping wet, our hero led a Wizards comeback.

If there is a lesson hidden in all of this “Gilbertology” we at Paints in the Point are unable to discern what it is.

Arenas remains one of the league’s most prolific scorers. His return to the hardwood in a Wizards uniform for the 2009-10 season can only be good for basketball. His flamboyant personality is what makes him such a unique player- a chameleon of sorts. In the rarefied air of the Association Gilbert Arenas has done his part to set himself apart as a tremendous basketball player and a melancholy showman.

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