Live Blogging the WNBA All-Star Game

Here at “Paints in the Point,” we don’t discriminate against women’s basketball. Therefore, in yet another “Paints in the Point” exclusive, I am going to live blog the final quarter of the WNBA All-Star Game, played in Uncasville, Connecticut.

4:57 PM: Apparently, the game is being played outdoors. And look, someone who looks like Mike Weir is in attendance.

4:59 PM: Wow, Connecticut sure is beautiful. A man just kayaked by the court. Great choice to play outside, WNBA. This might revitalize the league like when the NHL played outdoor games in Ralph Wilson Stadium and Wrigley Field:

This is an example of how an outdoor game saved a professional sports league from the brink of extinction.

This is an example of how an outdoor game saved a professional sports league from the brink of extinction.

5:02 PM: I believe in a league first, play has been suspended due to a rainstorm. There’s tons of standing water! They are now showing highlights from play earlier today.

5:03 PM: Jason Dufner is in the lead (in scoring, I suppose?) at the All-Star Game. Does anyone else think that “Jason” is a strange name for a woman?

5:06 PM: Two coaches discuss club selection about taking the ball to the hole. I don’t watch much women’s basketball, but I assume that players from more experienced or otherwise better teams (or “clubs”) would be better to make baskets.

5:07 PM: “That is close to being a two,” one commentator says. “It hops over the hole, just missing the eagle.” Since they are playing at the Mohegan Sun Casino, I assume that this is some sort of Native American lore combined with basketball terminology.

The beautiful Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut, where the WNBA All-Star Game is being played this year.

The beautiful Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut, where the WNBA All-Star Game is being played this year.

5:15 PM: “Mike Weir at 17,” according to one commentator. 17 what? I’m deeply disappointed with the commentators here. I think that with more exciting commentary and volume levels that go above a whisper, the WNBA could make it big. If they keep employing these soft-spoken Sallies, I don’t know how much longer this league can stay in existence.

5:20 PM: Thank goodness they are showing highlights from earlier today. I just received a weather report from The Octagon, who is our field reporter at the All-Star Game. He sent us this picture from the field:

The Octagon, who is out of town, sent us this picture from the WNBA All-Star Game.

The Octagon, who is out of town, sent us this picture from the WNBA All-Star Game.

5:24 PM: The WNBA uses convoluted jargon in their commentary, commentary much different from the NBA. Does anyone know what “a soggy fairway” is? I’ve already checked the Urban Dictionary, and it hasn’t been defined yet.

5:26 PM: I accidentally sit on my TV remote, and discover that I have been watching the wrong channel. I tune into ABC just in time to see a Western Conference player pass to a person on their bench. What is going on with this sport? Do they have no respect for the game? Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” plays in the background. Apparently, I missed the highest-scoring WNBA All-Star Game, as the West defeats the East 130-118. With 22 points, Swin Cash sets the WNBA All-Star Game scoring record. Wow, I wonder where I could see 22 points scored by one player in a basketball All-Star Game?

5:33 PM: Oh, wait, I remember.

5:35 PM: Someone named “LeBron James” averages 23.7 points per All-Star Game:

Whos ever heard of this guy?

Who's ever heard of this guy?

5:42 PM: Fun Swin Cash Fact: Add “-dle” to the end of her first name and what do you get? “Swindle Cash.” We don’t have to worry, as no one else has ever embezzled money with a name that hints at their intentions.

5:45 PM: Oh, wait. I think we gotta watch out for Swin Cash, as I just learned about some guy named Bernie:

If we cant trust a guy named Madoff, how can we trust someone who is a few letters away from Swindle Cash?

If we can't trust a guy named "Madoff," how can we trust someone who is a few letters away from "Swindle Cash?"

5:49 PM: Well, for those who wanted in-depth coverage about the WNBA All-Star Game, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Maybe next year we’ll get it right.

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5 Responses to Live Blogging the WNBA All-Star Game

  1. The Custodian says:

    The fatal tragedy of the WNBA is its namesake. When people hear that it is related to the NBA in any way, shape, or form, they expect that level of play. And, unfortunately for all the people at the W, it just isn’t on par. They have effectively brought basketball back to the 1940’s and 50’s, before the glorification of the slam dunk and high-wire act that has run rampant throughout the league. They are fundamentally sound, even more so than their male counterparts, but there is a reason that nobody watched the Spurs and Pistons matchup of 2005, it is just too boring and slow for today’s demographics. They are playing the basketball equivalent of football before the innovation of the forward pass. Plus, who is going to proudly wear a WNBA jersey in public?

    • The Freelancer says:

      Wow, this is almost a post by itself. Tomorrow you should re-post this comment as its own blog post.

  2. The Custodian says:

    Also, nice post.

  3. The Custodian says:

    The fact that your automatically-generated avatar is better than my automatically-generated avater isn’t and was never in doubt. I think I’ll post something else on my next go around, but thank you for the advice. In all seriousness, nice post.

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