The Houston Rockets Explained


The Rockets are a team that defies most explanations. Their chemistry should not exist with T-Mac, Yao, Battier, and Artest who are all very different players with very different ways of playing the game. The only way to fully explicate the eccentricities of each of the players is to compare them to countries and/or nations around the world.

Yao Ming- China- The obvious choice for this Chinese basketball player, Yao and China share more in common than birthplace. Like China, Yao is large, highly skilled, and rarely understood by Western culture. Also similar to China, Yao is embracing more and more Western tendencies into his life. Supremely talented, Yao is often injured, halting any major advances into the playoffs.

Tracy McGrady- Great Britain- Like his English counterpart, T-Mac has lost much of his former glory. Both were once dominant in their worlds, but years of wear and tear on their respective empires have made them shells of their former selves. With rumors swirling around about the availability of McGrady for other teams, the odds are that he will not be suiting up with Houston at the start of next season.

Aaron Brooks- Puerto Rico- Not technically in the United States, Puerto Rico maintains its independence. Brooks, like Puerto Rico, is small and fiery as he uses his quickness and size to run by his opponents on the way to the basket. Full of spry, Brooks helped scare the Lakers in the Conference Semi-finals with his ability to distribute after blowing by his man into the lane.

Shane Battier- Canada- This All-American baller is surprisingly similar to America’s attic. Beautifully boring, he does nearly everything correctly and doesn’t ruffle too many feathers with his game. He does the expected, and he does it very well. In addition to his standard excellence of play, Battier doesn’t involve himself in too many battles.

Ron Artest- North Korea- Just absolutely insane, both Artest and N. Korea are not only able to but are willing to explode given the proper stimulant. Like North Korea, Artest is very intense when playing defense on the court. If the Rockets decide to bring Ron-Ron back, their team will be competitive in the West, but also volatile.

Luis Scola- Mexico- Scola, much like his hair, is greasy and slick. The main exports of Mexico are their greasy food and their slick way of entering the country. Scola somehow manages to slide away from his defenders despite his lack of speed or size. Unspectacular in his game, Scola finds a way to be a solid pro who is an underrated part of the Houston recipe.

Brent Barry- Finland- Barry, the only man to win both the slam-dunk and 3-point competitions, is the son of Hall-of-Fame basketball player Rick Barry. Not a flashy player, Barry hops around the league, hoping for 20 minutes of playing time to showcase his talents. Like the country, he doesn’t excite anyone with his play but is instead a pretty standard player.

Carl Landry- Cherokee Nation- Like the Cherokees, Landry was given no respect and had to earn his way into the Association. A tough and gritty player, Landry fights with his whole heart and hustles every second he is on the court. He out muscled and hustled the Lakers, nearly upsetting the eventual champs in the most recent playoffs, replacing the injured Yao Ming.


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