Stratego

The Celtics have an obvious offseason strategy. Their problems last year were their age and their lack of athleticism. So, what do they do? They release Tony Allen (for the record, young and athletic and could defend LeBron/Wade). Then, they pick up Jermaine O’Neal (who lost his youth and athleticism long ago) to replace Kendrick Perkins. Now they have reportedly picked up Shaq (see: Jermaine O’Neal parentheses).

So to recap, they had a problem with their old age and not being able to respond to athletic teams, and in this offseason they got older and less athletic (all due respect to Von Wafer, although I think that goes without saying).

LeBron James “The Decision” Bingo

LeBron glares knowingly into your soul

LEBRON TV SPECIAL BINGO!

Instructions: Print out the LeBron James “The Decision” Bingo Card (PDF). Select any nine of the following events that you believe might happen, and arrange them in any way you want on the card. Play against friends watching with you, or against others on our Facebook Fan Page. Cross out the appropriate box in the grid whenever any of the actions on the card take place. When you get three in a row (vertically, horizontally, or diagonally), shout “BINGO” and let us know that you’ve won on our Facebook Fan Page or tweet us @paintsdudes.

• You can tell which eye is Stuart Scott’s glass one

Paints in the Point Exclusive Coverage: LeBron’s MVP Ceremony

Ladies and Gentlemen, when it came time for LeBron James to accept his second MVP award, paintsinthepoint.com had exclusive coverage.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

A big shoutout to the most famous Irish basketball player in the league right now: Shaquille O’Neal. Also of Irish heritage: Kevin McHale, Mike Breen, and Jason Kidd. Who knew?

Blue Chips

Nick Nolte, Shaquille O’Neal, Penny Hardaway, Ed O’Neill, Bob Knight, and Bob Cousy. Need I say more?

Remember When?

After viewing the Freelancer’s reporting (go ahead, read it…), I remembered that Shaq wasn’t always an old and out of shape center. He used to be what Stan Van Gundy wishes Dwight Howard would be.

ABC Loves The Shaq

While I wasn’t too big a fan of last summer’s Shaq Vs. on ABC, the network has picked up the series for a second season, totaling six episodes. Here’s some athletes I’d like to see Shaq go up against:

The Decay of Greatness

I have given much of my recent thoughts to the concept of athletes aging, and usually not aging well. It is a stark reminder that greatness is fleeting and quickly replaced by more greatness in a newer and flashy form. Athletes can’t age like normal people, at least not in the realm of sports (not in their personal lives, only on the playing surface/field). They age like milk: it is great and delicious and satisfying until one day it has a nauseous smell and an even worst taste.

Greg Oden and the Big Man Apocalypse

The mere idea of a dominant big man is enough to make most GMs around the league salivate and most send most fans into a frenzy that would be more apropos in an institution for the insane. They can control a game like no other position can and have opposing coaches sweat more the night before the game more than any other player.

Live Blogging the Christmas Quintuple-Header

Editor’s Note: This was a live blog. As the afternoon progressed, this post was periodically updated with reactions from the quintuple-header (not a “pentuple-header” as incorrectly reported in Podcast #14)

12:00 PM: Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” kicks off the action, accompanied by ridiculous clips of LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, and Dwyane Wade shaking (obviously empty) wrapped presents, replete with equally ridiculous Santa hats. I have a feeling that I will get sick of this song by the end of the first quarter. Hopefully I’ll be able to dig up a YouTube link in case you haven’t seen it yet.

12:02 PM: Fun stat: Dwyane Wade has played in five Christmas Day (and/or Taiwanese Constitution Day) games over the past seven seasons.

12:06 PM: Dwyane Wade warms up by doing pull ups on the rim of the basket. No big deal.

12:08 PM: Tip-off. The Knicks win the tip, sporting green jerseys that look awful.

12:15 PM: Now, those are three words you don’t hear that often in the same sentence: “Knicks,” “winning,” and “streak.” Apparently, they have a five-game home winning streak, dating back to November 29.

Let Bygones Be Your Enemy

Okay, so I watched bits and pieces of the Cavaliers and Wizards game when I wasn’t watching Modern Family (Wednesday nights at 9:00 PM on ABC) and I wasn’t really impressed. That is in general and on an individual basis for players on either team, except for Antawn Jamison. And Mike Miller. And the incredible Earl Boykins, but not for the same reason as the other two gentlemen.

Shaqtastic New Words, 2009

Every year, the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate® Dictionary, Eleventh Edition has some new words added to it, based on if words meet criteria for inclusion. Shaq played against Jimmy Kimmel last night in Scrabble on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and Shaq made the case for the following new words:

Friends Call Him The Shaq

As reported on his Twitter on Thursday, Shaq visited Knott’s Berry Farm:

im at knots berry farms n my butts 2 big 2 fit in da seats on ride. ahhhhhh (dats me yellin)

In a “Paints in the Point” exclusive, we have some photos from Shaq’s visit, as coincidentally, our West Coast Correspondent (The Freelancer) happened to be at Knott’s Berry Farm the same day he was.

Supermen

With the Cleveland Cavalier’s acquisition of perennial all-star Shaquille O’Neal to contest against other notable big men in the Eastern Conference (cough, *Dwight Howard* cough) there are still questions regarding the Cavs chances to contend against taller teams.

There are the obvious similarities between the two big men superstars, drafted by the Orlando Magic, led the team to prominence, colorful personalities, the list goes on and on…

But Big Aristotle hasn’t exactly leant out the helping hand of knowledge to the new Superman. Shaq has been quoted calling Howard an “impostor” and has said that he has “done everything that he (Howard) has done before.”

But now with Shaq in his late thirties is there a chance that a new dominant big man may arise in the league.

Here’s how I (The Champ) see it.

Unleash the Beast

With the Cleveland Cavaliers’ roster seem to be about set for the 2009-2010 season with the dirt-cheap addition of former Celtics forward Leon Powe, there are questions for the future of former number one pick (1995) and career journeyman forward Joe Smith.

Acquired by the Cleveland Cavaliers in a blockbuster deal that brought the likes of Delonte West, Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, and Smith himself to Cleveland, Smith averaged 4.6 rebounds and 6.6 points per game.

Smith was then shopped by the Cavs, along with lifelong scrub Damon Jones, for future all-star point guard Mo Williams to the Oklahoma City Thunder in a three team trade.

However, Smith was able to clear waivers and rejoin the Cavaliers in the 2008-2009 season, playing limited minutes while averaging 5.5 points a game. During this period Smith even worked on his three point shot to become a perimeter threat as well.